Homelessness at Shit's Creek

I am on the brink of being homeless. I never thought that something like this could happen to someone like me. But obviously, like a lot of other things, I was wrong about this. What really sucks is that it is not just me. I think I could handle living out of my car. I could really give a shit less. But what I don't get is that I have two children, and a  husband who is seriously ill, who always confessed a deep faith in Jesus. And Jesus apparently just don't give a shit no more, because Jesus just ain't coming through. I always had a mistrust in God, that he really, really, cared about what was happening in my life. Or that he actually (this is what I believe now) was just too impotent to be able to do anything about any of my real issues. Such as depression, insecurity, growing up a a co-dependent, providing my family with decent housing, jobs, and other sundry topics. Too many bad things have happened, and continue to happen, to those I love, for me NOT to raise my fist, middle-finger up, and yell, "YOU SON OF A BITCH, WHY DON'T YOU CARE????????"  But no one is listening. And now, after raising 3 children, watching my husband work from sun up to sun down, and never seemingly getting anywhere, and working myself but never seeming to get anywhere, I just say FUCK IT. American society just sucks, and they have sucked enough out of us, the working class. I don't care if I am a part of any society anymore, I detest and despise all those rich people who held us down and subservient for all those years, slaving away, working harder to get nowhere, I hate them all, and will work to see them defeated. And this "GOD" who claims to keep us safe and cozy is nothing more than a fantasy thrust upon the working class to keep them mild and meek. Until the dam breaks, and the tide rushes in. Then it will be readily apparent that there is no deity, no safety latch, no harbor. I wonder what my husband will say then. He will probably still adhere to his code of belief, but I will not be fooled anymore. Let the tide roll in, I can't predict what I am capable of when this happens, probably almost anything. I guess if the "CHOSEN" people weren't safe, then the rest of us are up shit's creek.

Cancer DIsaster

Maybe someone else who might read this blog also has a spouse with cancer.

Living with cancer is hard enough for the caregiver. I can't begin to imagine how hard it is for the one who is sick.

When I was still a child, people back then seemed to believe that cancer was contagious. I think that still is a predominant view, though somewhat skewed now due to better education and knowledge. Alot like Aids, cancer scares people half to death, and out of their wits.

I am scared of cancer because I watched my dad die from it, over the period of one and one-half years. The slow wasting away, losing of prior abilities and capabilities. It is a hard thing to witness, and now I am doing it all over again with my husband Kevin.

I pray that he gets better, but I also pray that I can let him go to a better place when the time is right. I see him struggle everyday with the littlest of things, so unlike the other Kevin I used to know. Sometimes he will smile at me in the old way, and I catch a glimpse of the other Kevin I knew. He is still there, he is just so sick right now that he is usually unavailable. It is hard to be alone, without Kevin. We fought so much over the course of our marriage, that at one point we even separated. But we got back together, for better or for worse. I think he got the raw end of the deal. I have been very spoiled and childish over the years. I don't have the luxury anymore. I just want him to get better, but I don't know if that will happen or not. Cancer is scary stuff, especially when it hits home. When it hits your spouse. When it takes over your life. When it seems to win. Dear God, don't let it win again. Please keep my husband safe and help him to come back to himself. If that is still possible.

Greetings Earthlings!

Hi, welcome to my blog! I am a techno-challenged mother of three highly-intelligent children who far surpass me in the speed of their fingers and the veracity and depth of their techno-savvy. As I watch their fingers fly and the screens unravel from one web site to the next, I understand the generational gap between my slow intrigue with computers, and their overall mastery. If you handed me a cell phone and asked me to text,  I would appear puzzled and immediately hand the phone back to you faster than you could say "hot potato!" (one of my 30 yr old daughter's favorite games when she was one and a half years old).So for me to begin a "blog" represents a leap of faith, stupidity, and a reach into the dark regions of  the unknown! I have so much to say that I would like to share, but don't know how. Maybe this will be one way to connect. I honestly don't know.