Dancing on the Brink

When someone you love is very sick, it is very difficult.

You have to deal with the person as they are, debilitated, not feeling well, scared, tired, sometimes hopeful, sometimes pessimistic- in otherwards, you are dealing with the same issues with them that are also in you.

From time to time some of the old person shines through, in brief snippets. But most of the time is spent dealing with the illness. It is so hard to watch, so hard to bear.  And they feel bad that you are there and their sickness is hurting you so bad. I didn't expect that one.

Mixed feelings of, I don't want them to suffer, but oh God please make them better, but only if they can get better. If they can get back to themselves, the way they used to be. The shadow that haunts both of you, day and night. The person that was, and is now so different. The one you both miss desperately.