When someone you love is very sick, it is very difficult.
You have to deal with the person as they are, debilitated, not feeling well, scared, tired, sometimes hopeful, sometimes pessimistic- in otherwards, you are dealing with the same issues with them that are also in you.
From time to time some of the old person shines through, in brief snippets. But most of the time is spent dealing with the illness. It is so hard to watch, so hard to bear. And they feel bad that you are there and their sickness is hurting you so bad. I didn't expect that one.
Mixed feelings of, I don't want them to suffer, but oh God please make them better, but only if they can get better. If they can get back to themselves, the way they used to be. The shadow that haunts both of you, day and night. The person that was, and is now so different. The one you both miss desperately.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
At The End of The World
Well, time has passed by and we have "arrived" at a new place to live.
It's only a one bedroom apartment and it is in the desolate town called "Wheeling"....
The town is kitty-corner to Palwaukee Airport (did I spell that right, not sure), a strange mix of run-down apts., factories, currency exchanges, Russian grocery stores, and some imtermittant luxury homes.
My mother-in-law Dorothy got us into one of her apts that was otherwise empty. Kinda like "Priceline", better for someone to pay something rather than get nothing. We don't even have a lease, ergo another illegal apartment. I tried over and over to get assistance with rent, and or/ a deal with some landlord in DuPage County, but obviously they aren't getting any kinder out there.
My husband is getting skinnier and skinnier, down to 190 lbs. now, after previously weighing in at 260. Thank GOD he had some fat to waste away on, otherwise he would be more skeletal than he already is. He is half-way thru combined chemo-radiation therapy, extremely sick and unhappy, to say the least. Some mornings when I wake up and look at him, I just want to cry. Doesn't look like himself at all anymore. So hard to see this, so hard for him to live this. Kids are upset much of the time.
It's only a one bedroom apartment and it is in the desolate town called "Wheeling"....
The town is kitty-corner to Palwaukee Airport (did I spell that right, not sure), a strange mix of run-down apts., factories, currency exchanges, Russian grocery stores, and some imtermittant luxury homes.
My mother-in-law Dorothy got us into one of her apts that was otherwise empty. Kinda like "Priceline", better for someone to pay something rather than get nothing. We don't even have a lease, ergo another illegal apartment. I tried over and over to get assistance with rent, and or/ a deal with some landlord in DuPage County, but obviously they aren't getting any kinder out there.
My husband is getting skinnier and skinnier, down to 190 lbs. now, after previously weighing in at 260. Thank GOD he had some fat to waste away on, otherwise he would be more skeletal than he already is. He is half-way thru combined chemo-radiation therapy, extremely sick and unhappy, to say the least. Some mornings when I wake up and look at him, I just want to cry. Doesn't look like himself at all anymore. So hard to see this, so hard for him to live this. Kids are upset much of the time.
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