Cancer DIsaster

Maybe someone else who might read this blog also has a spouse with cancer.

Living with cancer is hard enough for the caregiver. I can't begin to imagine how hard it is for the one who is sick.

When I was still a child, people back then seemed to believe that cancer was contagious. I think that still is a predominant view, though somewhat skewed now due to better education and knowledge. Alot like Aids, cancer scares people half to death, and out of their wits.

I am scared of cancer because I watched my dad die from it, over the period of one and one-half years. The slow wasting away, losing of prior abilities and capabilities. It is a hard thing to witness, and now I am doing it all over again with my husband Kevin.

I pray that he gets better, but I also pray that I can let him go to a better place when the time is right. I see him struggle everyday with the littlest of things, so unlike the other Kevin I used to know. Sometimes he will smile at me in the old way, and I catch a glimpse of the other Kevin I knew. He is still there, he is just so sick right now that he is usually unavailable. It is hard to be alone, without Kevin. We fought so much over the course of our marriage, that at one point we even separated. But we got back together, for better or for worse. I think he got the raw end of the deal. I have been very spoiled and childish over the years. I don't have the luxury anymore. I just want him to get better, but I don't know if that will happen or not. Cancer is scary stuff, especially when it hits home. When it hits your spouse. When it takes over your life. When it seems to win. Dear God, don't let it win again. Please keep my husband safe and help him to come back to himself. If that is still possible.